Scene One
(At rise: Jake, Nick, and Erich are all watching figure skating.)
Jake: Oh! Look at her outfit! She should know that her hose don't match the outfit!
Erich: Her grace and beauty in her routine shows her practice...I mean...shes hott?...
Nick: Thy movements of thy maiden flow like the most perfect of springs. She shows more
elegance than professionals dancing Swan Lake.
Erich: Um, don't you guys think it's odd that we are watching figure skating rathar than
football or porn?
Nick: Erich, shut thy word circle! We men are lax in the ways of thy show. Porn is
such a disgrace to humanity, and this football you speakth of! It be a fierce and vial game, so we doth not watch it! Besides,
thee will not speakth of the doings of the men. Especially to thou maiden.
(Lauren, Steph, and Mel emerge from the garage and reek of marajuana.)
Lauren: What the hell are you watching?
Nick: Change thy channel, quickley!
Erich: Oh, nothing...football...heh...
Steph: (grabs the remote from Nick) You are watching figure skating?! Well, as
long as it makes you happy Erich.
Mel: You all shall die.
Nick: Lauren, thy equal to thee fairest, it doth not be true! We were watching
thy football!
Jake: True! We were watching football, with those men running around, getting
so hott and sweaty-
Lauren: Nick, I don't know what you think you are doing, but I think the only reason you
are watching this is because you want me to look like those women!
Nick: It beth not true! I crave the look you own, and I loveth thou
so perfectly.
Lauren: No! You want me to look like her, don't you?
Mel: I hate everything.
Lauren: We are leaving right now!
(Mel, Steph, and Lauren slam the door behind them.)
Nick: What tragedy! What doeth thee at current?
Erich: We get blankets and pillows for the couch.
